i'm trying to be a better person. i keep messing things up, relationships with people (not just boys or whatever) and i realized that  i really don't consider other peoples' feelings which is probably bad. i think i would rather have friends than be alone and become a shut in? i don't know how to explain that's not really an accurate statement.
i feel so weird lately. i can't even describe it. which is another thing, i want to start writing more (not on xanga or anywhere public) and articulate my feelings better because i can never say exactly how i feel and it just gets me into not-so-good situations.
but about the feeling weird. i am just pulling myself in so many directions with normal classes, art making (especially since i am doing a lot of performance and art involving myself and emotion), work (which makes me hate my life), people in general, and boys. nothing seems to really flow together, i have to change my state of mind and the way i operate for every different interaction and it is so taxing.
also, i can't really handle any sort of rejection but i guess karma is a bitch.

Stop reading, you won't care about what I'm going to write. All I'm going to do is bitch.

Life is sooooo haaaaardddd oh my godddddd.
No but really. I have way too much shit to do right now. Between the 15 page paper I have due next week, the artist presentation, two critiques, sociology paper, reply, exams, work, finding a roommate, trying to have fun for my birthday....
Holy shit.

I never feel quite content with what I have.
It pisses me off, because everything I have is pretty fucking great.
But I always just feel like I need more, or I need something different, or I need something new.
I want to try everything, so I'm afraid if I keep one thing for too long, I won't get to try the next one.